Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Hump Day, Bump Day: Week 22

I'm going to apologize in advance for what is sure to be incoherent string of ramblings today. A dramatically lower IQ due to pregnancy paired with exhaustion from three straight nights of horrible sleeping does not an interesting read make. I do, however, promise to include a few great links for those of you who are expecting/curious about the excitement/horror that is pregnancy.

You may remember that I was having camera issues earlier this week. They have not gone away, unfortunately, but I have used the few brain cells I have to rub together in order to come up with the following (I had completely forgotten we have a back up camera!):

Dazzling, huh?

Musings on weekly photo: Enjoy these specially grown roots for the last time. This Friday they are disappearing, though certainly not for good. I'm not a magician, people. Also, HELLO swollen, makeup-less face! Have you ever seen anything that stunning? It just stops you on the spot. And to think Kyle gets to wake up to this every. single. morning.

Size of baby: Senor Sutherland is now over a foot long and well over a pound... wait... so you're saying he's not already 15 pounds? Does this mean I've... gained it on my own?!?!

Movement:  Ricky Martin in the making. He is shaking his bonbon, bonbon.

Cravings: Water. And burgers. Delicious, scrumptious burgers. (A quick side-note on water drinking that may gross a few of you out; if you are a male friend, please just go on to the next bullet point. The problem with pregnancy is it's all subjective. No woman is going to experience it exactly like another. Having said this, I've heard that not being able to crap is an issue for many, but it has not been one for me. You know why? I suck down water like a camel. This bump in front might as well be on my back because there is nothing that can keep me from my agua. If you are pregnant and not a huge fan of water, force yourself to become one now! You will (hopefully and subjectively) not regret it)

Annoyance: Unfortunately, the sleeping issue has gotten worse. I swore to myself I was not going to cave and buy one of those "pregnancy body pillows," but you know what I'm doing today, folks? Caving and buying one of them. I have high hopes for this product in particular... Please don't let me down, Snoogle Total Body Pillow! (Additional side note: who names these products? Snoogle? Seriously?! I genuinely envision a board meeting of Smurfs or gnomes all clad in their little business suits, whiling away the hours as they try to figure out what to name the maternity body pillow they've masterfully crafted with their tiny hands).

Highlight of the week:  Attempting a Yoga Fusion class without reading what Yoga Fusion is. If only you could have heard my laughter (in a room full of people who were there to "seriously workout") when the instructor said we were now moving on to "ab work." Even better, I wish you could have seen the look on the guy's face next to me when I rolled over on to my side, not far from a come hither pose, while everyone else did said ab work. I was thiiiis close to saying, "Hey. What's up? You come here often?"

Non-Highlight of the week: The walk home after Yoga Fusion. Ten minutes of sheer hell (I will save you from the details as to why).
Oh, and the following conversation took place:
Me: Babe, does my ass look bigger to you?
Kyle: No, looks the same to me. 
(10 minutes later, after putting on a pair of what used to be great fitting underwear only to find it barely covered any part of both ass cheeks)
Me: Yup, my ass is bigger. <deflated sigh>

Fears: Full disclosure: the whole "babies are really fucking expensive" thing has been making me anxious. I work from home and not making nearly as much as I'd like to be. In addition, as much as I try beating down the doors of any company's marketing department, I realize that the closer I get to having this baby, the less likely people are going to want to work with me as a consultant. I'm trying to stay positive about it. I also appreciate any leads!

Baby Blog Love: My fellow preggo friend Tav is the master at finding awesome pregnancy blogs, sites and posts. Some have helped me laugh through the scary shit, like registering for baby gear and what not. So here are a few I am currently loving (I have mentioned a few in the past, so sue me):

Alpha Mom's Pregnancy Calendar
Lucie's List
Pregnant Chicken
Lay Baby Lay

Additional Notes: The pregnancy dreams get more and more weird by the day. This week, I have been harassed on a bus filled with ghetto high school kids, who then proceeded to chase me through said ghetto. One night I was married to Tom Arnold, who'd left Hollywood to become a local high school history teacher. I also toured about the Vancouver set of Titanic by Leonardo DiCaprio himself.

Happy Hump Day, Bump Day, everyone!

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