Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Boys of the 90's: Childhood Crushing Edition

Nostalgia has been washing over me this week and I haven’t quite put my finger on why that is. If I had to take a gander, I’d say it had to do with the transition we’ve been going through over the last couple months. It has a way of making a person think about what was; the good times, the fun times, the times that seemed hellish and neverending (but always did… end, that is).

Thus, on this Tuesday, I bring you a transition of sorts from my past: my celebrity crushes from childhood to high school. Bear with me, friends.

If you’re a girl who grew up when I did, i.e. the Nineties, two names probably skyrocketed to the forefront your brain: Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Leonardo DiCaprio.

You will not be finding those gentlemen on my list.

When I was in the fifth grade, JTT was making all the rounds on the Tiger Beat circuit and I was not interested in the slightest. Much like the Disney cub he voiced, JTT had a lionesque look about him, with his blonde mane and constantly flared nostrils.

Junior high brought about Baz Luhrman’s Romeo and Juliet remake, which featured Leo as the ultimate romantic lead. Who would have thought the mucus covered, developmentally disabled Arty from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? could elicit such an impassioned response from pubescent girls? 

Well, there was one hormone imbalanced lass that wasn’t impressed: yours truly.

So… who did float my boat through my formative years? If you take the following into account (and please, try to suppress the roars of laughter if you can), it appears I had a major thing for frail, pasty boys, not given the genetic makeup to grow past 5’8.

Here they are (in chronological order, no less!):

Prince Eric (crush circa: age 4)

C’mon girls, I know some of you are nodding your heads in agreement out there. Sure, he was easily manipulated by the evil tentacles of that sea queen Ursula, and sure, he’s a cartoon, but I would put money that some of you shared these not-so-realistic opinions with me.  At least it wasn’t Gaston.

Brooklyn (crush circa: age 7)

I know I’m not alone in crushing on this special li’l guy since my sister also enjoyed the singing and dancing chops he brought to the film, Newsies. Granted, he was never seen or heard from again (although a quick check on IMDb proved me wrong), but our love of him inspired us to learn all the noteworthy songs on the soundtrack, songs that are still readily performed on road trips to this day.

Elijah Wood  (crush circa: age 9)

If my old friends from childhood are reading this, I have a feeling they’re giggling maniacally at this point. Admitting I thought Elijah Wood was cute was just as embarrassing then as it was when he was a hobbit, but I could care less. Watching that boy’s portrayal of Huckleberry Finn, with his baby blue eyes and pageboy haircut, made me faint with ardor. What can I say? I’m a lover of the classics.

Macaulay Culkin (crush circa: age 10)

Macaulay was a tough one to shake. He was entrenched in my psyche around the time of “JTT Madness” and shockingly enough, I had a difficult time finding pages in BOP and Tiger Beat to paste on my bedroom wall. Whenever one of the editors of said publications needed some good old-fashioned “Home Alone” filler, girls who had intended on tossing their torn through, recyclable mags would pass his photos along to me because nobody else wanted them. My only saving grace at the time was that a friend of mine had a major crush on Jim Carrey, and though he was debatably more attractive, his age difference made him a creepier choice.

[Sidenote: The Good Son, starring Macaulay Culkin AND Elijah Wood, pretty much gave me a heart attack of happiness when it hit theaters in 1995]

Taylor Hanson (crush circa: age 12)

Those Hanson brothers blew on to the scene in 1996 with their boppin’ and their bladin’ and their girlish good looks. Once Taylor’s voice dropped, their popularity took a major dive, and then they all had about 100 kids between the three of them and lived happily ever after. However, that Taylor Hanson will always hold a soft spot in my heart and as much as I hate to admit it, I still like their music. Yes, I said it. Hello, my name's Elizabeth and I am a Hanson fan in 2011.

Prince William (crush circa: age 16)

He was the first guy to pull me out of the trenches of seemingly bad taste in men. Tall, blonde, handsome and with a real British accent?! Sigh. Please note that in 2000, his brother, Prince Harry, had yet to pass him as the better-looking brother. I mean, really, of all the things to inherit from your royal father, hair loss is quite possibly the worst. Again, I was ruthlessly made fun of by my cohorts, but I’m still a tad baffled by it compared to the others, and I’m pretty sure the Duchess of York would be as well.

I made it through the woods, friends, and eventually met K, who's megawatt smile and dazzling good looks have managed to break me of any celebrity crushing whatsoever (ummm... promise!). 

Everyone's got a couple skeletons in their closet... so… who’s your cringe worthy crush from the past?


  1. You lost me at Elijah. I was all for that kid who spent 5 minutes on screen opposite Christina Ricci as real life Casper.

  2. Devon Sawa was a bit of a dreamboat in his day, I'll give you that, Miss McNeice!


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