Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Hipster Puppies and Hipster Moe

In case you missed it, Hipster Puppies came out with a book a couple months ago, which inspired me to come up with a list of "Hipster Moe" quotes.

For those of you who don't know about this wonderful site (and now wonderful book), dog owners take a photo of their dog with or sans a "too cool for school" look, as well as a quote that hints towards their hipster nature. It's equal parts mockery, dress up and showing photos of one's cute dog, so of course you know I'm all over it. 

Here is a quick breakdown of my favorite "Hipster Moe" quotes (the last four were created by my dear friend, Matt Mong (a high falutin' lawyer, by some standards)):

“Moe would most likely never forgive Elle for sitting on and crushing his favorite fedora.”

“Moe’s favorite activity at Outside Lands was critiquing the Urban Outfitter wannabes.”

“Upon purchasing their latest LP at a concert, Moe admitted at the Broken Bells merch table that he had previously downloaded it illegally.”

“The best part of Moe’s unemployment and ultimate move-in with his parents was finding their secret stash.”

“After losing his ears in the ‘Great Vespa Crash of ’08,’ Moe took up hula hooping to Belle and Sebastian to get his groove back.”

“Moe was a lover of all things Scandinavian.”

“Moe’s go-to party trick was reciting Shel Silverstein’s ‘The Giving Tree.’ He swore to memorize ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ by Christmas.”

“When stressed, Moe colors with crayons and listens to Pinback.”

“Working at the co-op provided Moe with the steady income he needed to get his blog, Quaalude Junction, up and running.”

“Moe was pissed upon realizing his mooch roommate had thrown out this season’s Free People catalog.”

“Moe made it a priority to put the unopened “Franny and Zooey” dead center on his coffee table.”

“If he ever finds the balls to do it, Moe swears he’s going to move to the countryside and live in a yurt.”

“Moe walked to the grocery store to save bus fare, but spent $15 on a slice of specialty cheese from upstate New York.”

“One day, Moe was going to get a shark tattooed on the bottom of his foot.”

“If you’re not gonna dress up for Rent at the Hollywood Bowl, don’t fucking come.”

“When he’s drunk enough, Moe admits he would give his left paw for the ability to grow a beard.”

“Moe feels a deep resonance with the LGBTQ community after taking a course on transgendered youths in college.”

“Moe prides himself on his vegetarian lifestyle, but can’t refrain when it comes to exotic, handmade sausages.”

“One trip to Seattle, and suddenly Moe was an expert on all things microbrew.”

“Moe loudly expresses his disdain for republicans and Fox News, but cannot carry a political conversation to save his life.”

“For fun, Moe likes hassling Kat Von D via Twitter.”

“Should his macaron store, Biscuit Shoppe, not pan out, Moe’s considering crafting furniture from reclaimed wood.”

“Moe never drinks soda, unless it’s in a glass bottle and made with real cane sugar.”

“At the library bookstore, Moe bought a well worn copy of Maya Angelou’s “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” to impress any girl who might stop by.”

“Moe enjoyed the attention wearing his D.A.R.E. shirt from the 5th grade at his local hookah bar afforded him.”

“On Halloween, Moe loves dressing up as Holden Caulfield and constantly proclaiming, ‘Goddamn money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.’"  

“Though he doesn’t have his own Facebook page, Moe enjoys stalking people through his girlfriend’s profile."

"Moe doesn't know what a Darfur is, but has been deeply affected by it." 

"Moe frequently dines at a hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese restaurant in Echo Park … his favorite is the orange chicken."

"All Moe needs is an axe and a blue ox companion to officially become Paul Bunyon." 

"Sometimes, when he’s sipping a finger of bourbon and twirling his handlebar mustache, with the Victrola playing in the background, Moe forgets its 2011." 

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