Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Adventures in Pregnancy: Episode One

Did everyone have a good Valentine's Day? If you're single or think that it's "overrated and sooooo commercial," I hope yesterday was good for you anyhow!

Yesterday's news... pretty exciting (and terrifying and joyous)! Might as well jump to the details: 

Baby Sutherland is due August 12, 2012. 08.12.12! An auspicious date to be due on, I must say, but I have a gut feeling he or she won't be making an appearance until the end of that month. Maybe on Auntie Jenny's birthday? Certainly a great person to share a special day with.

I summed up my expectations of him/her in an email to my best friends from college as follows: Pale, lanky, freckled mess of a child with a penchant for mischief, arguing and revelry, as well as a wicked sense of humor and impeccable spelling skills. 

Seems pretty spot on to me. For anyone up in arms over that sentence, calm your steeze. Of course I think it is going to be the most precious person ever.

A few things I've learned thus far in this adventure known as pregnancy:

1. Pregnant women are crazy.
Hear me out on this one, because I am exaggerating, but only to a point. Being pregnant kind of makes you feel insane (and you sometimes act insane, too). In the last three months, I have overreacted about so many ridiculous things it is embarrassing. Kyle did some laundry one night in January (we don't have a washer and dryer at our place, by the way). I was exhausted (because that's another joy of pregnancy) and so excited to crawl into bed, but I had to wait until he returned with our sheets. The top sheet was damp, folks. And not damp like a pair of jeans that you know is going to dry throughout the day so you just suck it up and wear them. It was wet to the point of being unsleepable, which meant we weren't going to have a top sheet, merely a duvet. No big deal, right?

I bawled like I had just seen a pack of puppies get run over by a truck. The kind of sobbing where you can't catch a breath. For a solid 20 minutes.

And 5 minutes after I stopped crying, I was hysterically laughing at how much I had overreacted.

If that's not crazy, I don't know what is. But the hard thing is it gives people an out around you sometimes; they (or more specifically my husband) chalk every grievance I have up to my hormones, although some are quite legitimate. It's a catch 22.

2. Maternity jeans are handcrafted by angels.
Folks, I know why the caged bird sings: it's because she's pining for a pair of maternity jeans. It is some underground secret apparently amongst the mom set. They are like wearing the world's most comfortable couch on your lower half. Yes, I can still fit into my pre-prego pants. Ladies, you'll get me on this one: you know when you've gained weight and your pants fit a little snugger, so people can't tell but you can? Nothing says "I feel fat" like jeans creating visible muffin top. So I bought a pair of skinny maternity jeans from Gap and they are glorious. 

Oh, and word to the wise: don't ask a lady carrying a baby how much weight she's gained. It's totally rude and none of your business. Unless she divulges to you, play the fun game of "does she weigh more than her husband yet?" in your head. 

3. Everyone has an opinion when you're pregnant.  
I didn't realize every person had an opinion on pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, etc. until I got pregnant and everyone and their mother felt it essential to let me know theirs. And please don't think I've hated all of it; I've never done this before and I appreciate the support and information from those who have and have given me their non-opinionated insight. I'm talking about the judgy-judges. "Oh, you're having black tea? You know caffeine's not good for the baby." "You're eating seafood? Is that alright for you to have in your condition?" 

People, I am not an imbecile and I have been sucking down information almost as often as the water I drink to satiate my unquenchable thirst. I assure you the decisions I'm making are well informed and mine to make.

4. La Quercia prosciutto and limeade taste GREAT together.
At least they did a month ago when I slammed them both down in the parking lot of Whole Foods in my ravenous state. 

5.  Pregnant women drool more than pirates. Or baseball players. Or [insert crazy gremlin troll from any 80's movie].
It turns out there are a lot of pregnancy symptoms people don't talk about and one of them is excess saliva. What the hell? I'll be sitting at my computer, working away and I'll catch myself drooling like an inbred yokel. It is bizarre.

This is all the insight I have for you today, folks. I plan on making this a regular feature, but don't worry. While RISD will obviously detail the journey Kyle and I are on towards parenthood, it is not going to be just a mom-brag blog.

Oh, and one more thing. Thank you so much for all the love and kind wishes you've sent our way. It has been heartwarming and life affirming and we really, truly appreciate it.

Y'all rock (I am naturally drooling while I say this).


  1. Thanks Irina! Congratulations seem to be in order for you too w/your new tax law practice :)

  2. Oh my god just read this and am laughing out loud at your drool comments. (Not LOL because that phrase makes me cringe.) So funny! Oh the things they don't tell ya. I wonder what other surprises are in store for you!!

  3. Oh, I have a plethora of adventures to share, don't you worry, Miss McLean!


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