Sh*t People Say In LA and A Little Article about Schools and Religion (You Know, Kids' Stuff!)

It's one of those "all over the place" kinda days.

I was going to post about this article today, but I hesitate to start throwing around my opinions about religion and bullying and the Constitution. It's a little heavy for a Tuesday, c'est vrai?

So, here's my take in three sentences: I have friends and family (all of whom I love) who are religious, atheists or agnostics. I believe everyone should have the right to practice their religion freely, without persecution, in their own time, but also believe in the separation of church and state; the First Amendment is solid for a reason, people. I am appalled that the young girl (Jessica Ahlquist) in this article would be outrageously bullied for having her own beliefs (because, don't forget, being an atheist IS a belief), but forcing her school to uphold the constitution. Oh, and one more thing: shame on you, Peter G. Palumbo (Rhode Island State Representative), for not upholding the Constitution you swore an oath to support AND for having the audacity to call this girl 'evil.'

I guess that was four sentences.

Phew! How about some fluff, now, hmmm?

Yes, I realize how overdone the Sh*t People Say videos are, and while most of them are crap, I think it actually only matters how relevant they are to your life (I still love the original and this one for its crazy, though accurate, bride impersonations).

People, having lived in Los Angeles for three years, I have to say this is pretty spot on. While watching it, I cringed at the number of things I've said in the past (and if we're being honest) in my every day life, although I will say I've never had Intelligentsia coffee or snorted blow with Skeet Ulrich (or anyone for that matter; no cokeheads up in here!!).



Do you have any favorites Sh*t People Say videos you're crazy about? Better question: do you think the things you say in real life could make for a good two minute short film?

Either way, I'm hoping the people who said the shit they did to Jessica Ahlquist will realize how ludicrously wrong it is to attack someone (let alone a teenage girl) simply because their beliefs do not match with their own.

Namaste (please note I am saying this ironically and as an homage to Angelenos).

Some More Avocado Love

This has to be a quicky post as it has been BUSY over here today (never a bad thing in my so humble opinion). Since I started working at home, I've had the luxury/nuisance of having the kitchen at my fingertips for my midday meal: the luxury, of course, being that I don't have to worry about lunch until it rolls around and the nuisance being I spend the morning wondering, "I wonder what I should make for lunch?"

During the fall, I was obsessed (OBSESSED) with this Thai-inspired salad (honesty, honesty here: still kind of obsessed) and it appears that, for me, winter is the season of all things avocado. I thought I might be going a tad overboard blogging about them twice in one week, but it's one of the nice things about being the sole author at RISD: I get to subject all three of my readers to whatever the hell I want!

{insert evil laughter}

Here is my current lunch craze, amigos: a kinda, sorta Mexican rice and lentil bowl.

Sometimes I fear I might mention Trader Joe's a little excessively, but they provide me with such convenient inspiration for my meals, I figure it's my way of saying 'thank you' to them. This dish literally takes 7 minutes to make (maximum) and is SO delicious.

In a bowl, put some heated, pre-steamed black lentils (you can find them near the salad stuff). Top w/Jasmine or brown rice, both found in the frozen food section (and only take 3 minutes to heat in the microwave)! After that, add diced avocado, some shredded cheddar cheese, their Salsa Especial and a couple shots of Tapatio, Cholula or one of TJ's spicy delight sauces (although, stay away from their Habanero salsa unless you want to taste nothing for days on end. It's like the devil dancing on your tongue, FYI). I think some shredded cabbage and cilantro would also go well.

Paired with a couple chapters, it makes for a delectable, satiating meal for the body and soul.

Maybe I'll end the week with yet another avocado recipe? It may happen, so be prepared.

Happy Hump Day and happy eating, as always.

My Favorite Drink (Currently)

Have you ever heard of Vitamix?

It's quite possibly the best kitchen appliance in the WORLD. Granted, for the cost of the thing, some people probably think it should be outfitted in gold (or at least dipped in silver), but I'm telling you, the price is worth it.

The blade and motor on this thing could make a smoothie out of pretty much anything, and it has the capacity to not only bring food to room temperature, but warm it as well. Also, it's blades are razor sharp, meaning it can finely chop or pulverize any skin or fiber that you would normally have to remove in the cooking process.

Whole foods = Happy body.

I've been trying to whip up a delicious green smoothie every morning for the last month and I think I may have gotten the recipe just right. I wouldn't recommend using just any old blender to make it (because honestly, it won't work). I'm sure there have to be a few high powered blenders out there that aren't Vitamix though, that will get the job done.

It has kale and coconut water and banana as well as other feel good food! It's also incredibly filling and satiates my appetite well past lunch.

Maybe being a Vitamix demonstrator is next in my bag of tricks? (I can see a couple of my friends reading that last sentence with horror)

In assembling this in your machine, make sure to do it in the right order. I made the mistake of being flippant about that, and through trial and error, have figured out why it is the way it is. 

Elizabeth's "It's Not Easy Being Green" Smoothie

Place ingredients into high powered blender or Vitamix in the following order:

• 3/4 cup coconut water
• 2 cups of kale (well packed)
• 1 grated, thumb size piece of ginger
• 1 banana peeled and broken into three pieces
• 1 green apple, with core removed
• 10-15 mint leaves
• 2 TBSP honey
• A lot of ice!

If you're using a Vitamix, start the variable on low and work it up to 10 speed, then flip it to "high." Blend for about 30 seconds, until everything is well incorporated.

Enjoy!

PS For the Moe lovers out there, his surgery was a success and he is now resting comfortably at home! Here's a photo of the car ride home, as well as him luxuriating while I spoil him to assuage my guilt!

I'm dreaming...

... of some cold... weather.

This happens every year. I'm going to warn all you warm weather fiends that you're not going to like the next sentence: I hate summer.

Before you start calling me a fool or egging my car, let me explain. I have about four days a summer when I love it. The sun, the breeze, the activities, the food... everything comes together in a synergetic way.

The other 90 days, I'm wishing it was autumn. Or the holidays. One of the two. Either way, the problem with living in southern California is that by the time the actual summer ends, the really hot weather picks up. Do you know how many Halloweens I've spent sweating like a pig inside my costume and hating life? Too many to count!

I wholeheartedly believe I was meant to live in areas where it's cold about 350 days out of the year, like London or San Francisco. If I could convince Handsome to move to one of those cities, I'd be ecstatic (and silver tongued... he is unimpressed with chilly weather and has let me know this).

Most people try to argue that living in cold cities is different than visiting (no kiddin'! I'm saying this in a yokel voice, btw), but they're missing the point. The allure of a chill, a rainstorm, a bank of fog, is based on being cozy inside, curling up with a good book under a blanket and outfits.

Yes, I love my cold weather ensembles, almost more than I love shopping for them.

The sweaters! The jackets! The boots! Put me head to toe in cashmere and I am a happy girl. Here are a few I've been dreaming about (and might possibly purchase at Aris in Laguna):

Cozying up with a book and a latte during a rainstorm (as previously mentioned):

Helmut Lang Cowl, MiH Jeans, Repetto Flats, Helmut Lang Clutch, Anita Ko Elephant Earrings

Meeting a client for drinks (cabernet sauvignon for autumn and winter, please!):

Helmut Lang Blazer, Helmut Lang Leather Leggings, Sonar Ankle Booties, Chloé Shoulder Bag, Jennifer Meyer Turquoise Dome Ring, Jennifer Meyer Diamond Earrings, Armand Diradourian Scarf

An unexpected date night at a delicious, hard to find bistro:

Helmut Lang Crepe Dress, DVF Suede Platforms, Marni Clutch, Cartier Love Bracelet, Asha Earrings

I'm over the sun. Bring on the rain!

And the Helmut Lang...

{Outfits put together on Polyvore}

Date Night a la San Diego

Friday and Saturday night marked the first of our dates in San Diego, and we most definitely went the nonconventional route (Saturday, anyhow). To kick off the weekend, we headed to the Gaslamp Quarter and enjoyed some tapas and wine at Zanzibar.

Zanzibar is very fun to say, for the record. And downtown San Diego on a summer's eve is like a slightly drunk Disneyland... on a summer's eve.

We had a good time, but I forgot I had accidentally packed all my high heels into our storage unit, which made for a lackluster date night ensemble, and parking was a real pain.  Honestly, it didn't hold a candle to Saturday's date...

Right around dusk, we packed some artisanal cheeses from Venissimo and a loaf of fresh sourdough from Bread & Cie into a bag, headed down to Mission Bay (with our trusty pup along for the ride naturally), loaded ourselves in Kyle's parents' outrigger canoe and hit the water.

Moe was a natural in the boat and reminiscent of Cleopatra; in fact, I'm beginning to think he sees us as his servants. Hmmm...

We paddled for about 25 minutes before we landed on a small island in the shape of a horse shoe.

I have come to call this "Moe's Island" because we were the only people there and thus, let Moe off the leash to run amok. He disturbed a huge family of birds (whose caws are still ringing in my ears) and managed to pee on almost every square inch. To say I was proud is an overstatement.

Anywho, we laid out our blankets, snacked on our goodies and eventually, watched the Sea World nightly fireworks show. It was kind of amazing.

To say Moe loved the fireworks is also an overstatement.

But I'm beginning to think San Diego could be a good place for our little trio.

Breed Restrictions Apply

I figure that now that we’ve been in San Diego for more than a week, I can vent to you one of my biggest frustrations about moving down here.

Many of my friends have been asking me where we found an apartment. What neighborhood are you living in? Is it a one or two bedroom? In a complex or detached?

The answer I have for them is one that most married (or unmarried) 27-year-olds hate having to utter.

We moved in with Handsome K’s parents. TEMPORARILY.

Let me say that I love my in-laws. I’m serious and not exaggerating a bit! I know that when it comes to marrying and being legally tied to a family that I hit the jackpot and for that, I will be forever grateful.

However, we’re at the age where it feels like a set back. Not finding a place to move into wasn’t for lack of trying; it was for one solid reason.

Our sweet dog, Moe.

No one wants to rent to people with a pitbull! ARRRRGH! We come with excellent references from our previous landlords, and even had our old neighbors write recommendation letters for him. Truly, I am sick of having to defend him to every person he passes.

I know what some of you are thinking: “He’s a pitbull, Elizabeth, not everyone’s going to understand he’s not a killer.” The truth is, though, I don’t care and I’m tired of everyone assuming the worst. He is the most loving, loyal dog and is amazing with people, especially children.

Yes, he’s got some pitbull in him; we also think he’s got some American bulldog and boxer, but no one cares about that point of his lineage. Yes, he’s missing his ears, but I think it makes him look like a little teddy bear (lemons into lemonade, people) and it’s not as if we were the pair that cut them off!

Another annoyance I’d like to chat about is the “quiet, small dog” paradox I’ve been finding in many listings. We lived across the hall from two Chihuahuas for a year and a half and let me tell you, I don’t think they ever shut up. How their vocal chords handled that amount of stress, I will never know. They certainly managed to help me go deaf in one ear (thanks, assholes!). Furthermore, I feel I'm only doing my duty in exposing this great ruse by also mentioning I've been bitten by a dog thrice in the last year, and every time it was by a rat-like canine that weighed less than ten pounds. Similar to this:

This may or may not be an exaggeration.

Either way, I thought it was public knowledge, but apparently some are still confused on this bit, so let me clarify: small dogs are never quiet. They never sleep all day. If you want to keep your building “serene” and “calm,” rent to people with a big dog.

In summary (and to tug on your heartstrings a bit), my dog has had some bad cards dealt to him in life, and as his owner and a true fan, it would be nice if people gave him half a chance.

And gave us a chance… with an apartment.

Please, San Diego. Play nice.

Cinema Solo

It’s official: We are in San Diego.

What can I say about last week? Moving is brutal. Handsome K was down here the whole week as he started his job a month ago, so I had the awesome task of packing up the entire apartment by myself.

Ok, ok, Moe was there too, but his lack of opposable thumbs hindered his ability to help greatly. He got some good naps in, though.

The apartment was all sorts of depressing what with the boxes and the bits and pieces that start to collect all over the place even when you feel like you’re making progress. I felt at any moment A&E was going to show up to film an episode of Hoarders (minus the rotting trash and dead cats, thankfully). 

So how did I keep myself from going mad? With Instant-watch movies on Netflix, of course!

Why watch movies online, you ask? Oh, simply because we don’t own a T.V. (yes, we are one of those annoying couples…).

I had a discussion with my friend Ariana about this and we’re both in agreement: Netflix’s online movies, however convenient, lead to some random choices. They don’t offer many of the newly released films you’d actually want to see, i.e. the ones you’re willing to spend $4 on at a store. Netflix Instant Watch does, however, provide a plethora of 80’s cult, C+ horror and unknown foreign hits (I'm using the  word "hits" loosely).

Thus, I felt it only fair that I relive some of my favorites from last week.

The Crazies

Who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned government-made-virus-infects-a-po-dunk-town-of-people-causing-some-to-go-crazy-and-others-to-become-homicidal-maniacs kind of movie? I wish it had a better title, because I probably would have enjoyed it sooner than I’m Moving and Will Watch Anything Week had I known it wasn’t half bad. Also, I don’t know what it is about being alone in my apartment and watching obscure horror films, but it happens all the time and I’ve come to realize it’s a horrible habit.

The Hole

Calm it with the snickering, everyone. Bad title, I know. I’m a bit surprised this movie wasn’t even mentioned in the U.S. when it came out, but after reading some Netflix comments (whose spelling mistakes alone provide entertainment), it seems it may have had to do with Keira Knightley’s burgeoning career and Disney’s desire to keep her exposed chest under wrap. I loved the premise of this movie and it was entertaining enough, but if gruesome isn’t your cup of tea, you probably don’t want to watch this.

The Fly

If you haven't seen this sci-fi bit of horror, you are missing out. Jeff Goldblum is a scientist (I guess?) who creates two pods that allow for teleportation. Unfortunately for him (and his girlfriend, Geena Davis), he gets drunk one night and decides to teleport, not realizing he's been genetically mutated with a fly who crept into the pod. Again, major ick factor with this one if you're squeamish (don't even get me started on his ear/jaw/eating issues).

The Frog Prince

Ahhhhh! Some light in the dark and don't you just love the German image for it? It was the only one I could find! Starring Aileen Quinn of Annie fame, this was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. I’ve been searching for it for years on video, then DVD, and lo and behold it was a suggestion Netflix made for me. Sometimes, things are meant to be. If you were a fan of any made-for-television fairy tales in the 80’s, get excited…  

The River Wild

White water rafting? Check. The pale, redheaded boy from Radio Flyer and Jurassic Park? Check. Murderous Kevin Bacon? Check. Dog tricks? Check. This movie has it all and reminds me of why action/adventure thrillers from the 90’s surpass all other decades’.

Mother's Boys

Jamie Lee Curtis acts as a crazy, jealous blonde who ditches her family and then comes back years later expecting everything to go back to the way it was before she left. Peter Gallagher and his black caterpillar eyebrows play her jilted husband and Joanne Whalley (yes, Xortia from Willow!) is the new girlfriend who gets J.L.’s goat. I don’t know what it is about melodramatic thrillers that revolve around a plethora of unanswered questions (Why is the boy so easily manipulated? How does she have enough money to afford an expensive high rise in New York City? Why did the producers think Curtis would be believable as a blonde?!), but I am drawn to them like flies on honey. 

Overall, I have to give thanks to all the films I watched last week, because without them (the good, the bad, the Jamie Lee Curtis’), I may never have moved, but remained a babbling mess in a sea of boxes in an apartment in LA that was no longer mine.

Merci beaucoup, Netflix Instant-Watch.

For any soon-to-be-engaged friends:

Please do something like this! 

I watched this video on 100 Layer Cake this morning and was smitten from the get-go.

Untitled from mattandaudree on Vimeo.

One, I love Hall and Oates' "You Make My Dreams." It is such a killer 80's song and anyone who chooses to disagree can, well, disagree. I discovered it when The Wedding Singer came out in 1998 and I dorkily used to dance by myself in my bedroom to it over and over again. I'd start out with the bop, synching myself to the ultra-cool electric piano beat, work some back and forth finger action into the mix, then hit replay and start the fun all over again. I know how to have a good time at a one person party.

Two, watching videos like this makes me wish I had similar creative abilities. Do you know how much I would love to present a stop action film that has romantic relevance in my life? Handsome K would never agree to it, but a girl can dream. The scene where they're enjoying coffee together in a cafe on their "first date" and then the creamers assemble a save-the-date message on the table...?! Genius and so sweet. 

Three, when you watch this short, it is evident that the couple are head-over-heels for one another and seamlessly collaborated to achieve this superb little invite. Actually, that might be my favorite part of all: 

I love it when people wear their hearts on their sleeves for all to see.   

Farewell Los Angeles

Handsome K got a job!

In San Diego!

Which means we’re moving.

While it’s exciting in some ways, I have to admit I’m bummed in others. I love our apartment. It’s on the top floor of our small building, with natural light pouring in from two sides. It has hard wood floors, a spa tub and crown molding (every visitor we’ve had to our place that’s over the age of 50 always points out the crown molding). Large palm trees filter the sun through our living room and our dining table overlooks a charming courtyard with a fire pit and barbeque.

And then there are our wonderful neighbors, who over the last two years have become our dear friends. Even our landlords rock (and how often can you say that?). I’m gonna miss the place and I’m trying to stay positive that we’ll find something even better in San Diego.

Many of my friends have moved from LA in the last year or so, which makes it easier in a way. But what happens to my dinners with my cousins, John and Michael, or trips for cheap Vietnamese food with my lover Teets? Do those stop? I suppose not completely, but it’s certainly not easy to grab pho or watch a Kepler Mission concert or see a spur of the moment boxing match if we’re two hours away.

Honestly, I’m surprising myself as I type this. I thought I unconditionally hated Los Angeles, and apparently that wasn’t the case. 

Ok. I think I’m done being a Debbie Downer… on to the good stuff!

I do love an adventure. In fact, seeking adventures are something K and I have in common. Did I mention we’re going here in October? I’ve never lived in San Diego and I know it’ll be a fun time discovering what the city has to offer its locals. Also, moving means getting the chance to decorate a new apartment. Or maybe even a cottage! The prices on housing are unbelievably great compared to LA, and the dream of being able to live in a two-bedroom something are getting closer to reality.

Adios to hideous traffic! Do you know what a raving loon I can become whilst sitting in a car on a typical LA day? Let me give you an idea: have you ever seen that old cartoon where Goofy is this simple, nice guy when he’s doing every day things… except when he gets behind the wheel of a car and turns into a maniac? I’m not this way all the time, but when it takes a person two hours to get somewhere that should normally take 20 minutes in any other city, who wouldn’t flip their lid? The answer is no one, friends. If the Dalai Lama could drive, he too would be cursing profanities and flipping the bird. Just sayin’.

Finally, there’s Handsome K’s job. He was stoked at the prospect of getting this position and he did (for the record, I thought he was going to get it from Day One). What kind of wife would I be if I wasn’t over the moon excited for him? Not a very good one.

So adios Los Angeles (and our short-lived Field Trip Mondays)… it’s been fun.

Hi there, San Diego.

Field Trip Mondays

With all the extra time on our hands currently, we’ve decided to make a cultural go of it and have christened the worst day of the week as “Field Trip Mondays.”

Banksy, I Hate Mondays

Lucky for us, The Geffen Contemporary at MOCA is currently featuring Art in the Streets, an amazing exhibition tracing street art and graffiti from the 1970’s to present day. 

AND (as if that description wasn’t enough to sway you), every Monday, until the exhibit leaves in August, Banksy is paying for everyone’s admission, due to his belief that no one should have to pay to look at graffiti. Bless you, Banksy!

So of course we went on Monday. Honestly though, it is more than worth the cost, and I am sure we will head back before it rolls out of town.

Some faves from the day:

After essentially raping our eyes in the best way, we tra-la-la-ed through Downtown Los Angeles. I should really make an effort to leave the Westside now and again because there is quite a bit to do, and quite a bit to eat!

Walking through downtown made me hungry for American-style German cuisine, naturally. We walked from the museum and had lunch with our friend Josh at Wurstkuche. It never ceases to amaze me how delicious their Belgian-style fries and bleu cheese walnut dipping sauce are... en serio.


I think Field Trip Mondays are here to stay. 

If you live in southern California...

I'm sure you can agree. This is AWESOME:

Thank you Kristina, over at Lovely Morning, for the introduction.

Goodbye to the Extras.

And here I am… unemployed. After the intensity of my last job, it’s welcome in some ways, but the day I quit I had to say goodbye to certain things.

Nicely groomed eyebrows… Sorry, Benefit. I won’t be seeing you for a while. I do own a pair of tweezers and based on the chagrin of my friends and family, assume I do a horrible job maintaining them on my own.

Also, any future trips to the aesthetician will be put on hold, which, based on this photo and the zit between my brows, is a shame.

Pedicures, another bummer as my tootsies are some of the ugliest you’ll ever lay eyes on. Also, I refuse to buy nail polish unless I really, really love it, which means my toes will be messily donning OPI’s Hopelessly in Love for the next few months.

Yes, I realize they are hobbit feet.

Shopping for clothes at Madewell. Thank goodness I stocked up on a few excellent dresses in April (this and this being my faves), and thank goodness my sister is constantly adding to her closet from Aris (she let’s me borrow things sometimes, if I’m nice and promise not to eat Mexican food in them).

Buying books. Many trips to the Santa Monica Public Library are sure to fill my summer!

Gourmet cheese. It’s a bit of a problem, actually, my love and constant purchasing of this dairy delight, so maybe this would be a good time to wean myself? I know. Wean myself from cheese? Now I’ve resorted to crazy talk.

Eating out. There are a few restaurants I’ll make the occasional exception for (like The Curious Palate and China Beach Bistro and Gjelina and sometimes Don Antonio's (but only on dollar taco night)), though for the most part, it’s homemade meals from my kitchen of love. Which brings me to the list of things I can say ‘hello’ to now that I’ve got WAY more time on my hands (like an additional 60 hours a week extra)…

Writing!

Reading!

Cooking (and documenting it on Knife and Fork Adventures, naturally)!

Walking my dog, Moe (I’ve missed him quite a bit with all the working and such)!

Seeing my friends! Catching up with my friends! Laughing with my friends (I should mention how lucky I am to have such fabulous amigos)!

And most importantly, spending time with my love, Handsome K. Being simultaneously unemployed over the last couple weeks has taken me back to how easy-peasy things used to be before we graduated from college and were suddenly real adults. I didn’t realize how much I missed it, hanging out all the time with him. I’m grateful to have woken up to that fact and to be given this (hopefully) short grace period of what once was.